Behind the facade

I have discovered that what you see is not necessarily what you get. What you hear might not necessarily be what it ought to mean. Most of us usually do not look into the eyes of the people we talk to. I have observed that the eyes can reveal the whole truth about someone's personality or about a situation.The eyes as its often said is the mirror to the soul. Indeed, it is the doorway to reveal all the deep and secret things that pertains to man.

The eyes tell a story that no one else will ever understand. One look into the eyes can reveal if sadness is behind that smile. It can reveal when someone is lying or even pretending. Simply put, your eyes betray you every time you try to say something different. It simply exposes you. As long as the heart is beating and feeling then the eyes will tell your story.

Someone said "the eyes shout what the lips fear to say."

You might see a well dressed man, comfortable and all but a look in his eyes and you might discover he is most miserable of men. You might see that fellow in the nice car but not everything might be nice and neat at home and except you look into the eyes, you won't get the true facts. Sometimes you see a woman who doesn't look left or right when she manouvers a major road, instead of judging her and shouting the popular "go and get a driver" a deeper look in the eyes will tell you the reason she is absent minded. She might have just passed through a hell of an emotional abuse from the man she married. Sometimes, you see the prettiest of ladies and you would never believe that she has a philandering husband. Its her eyes that will inform you of her true secrets. You might see a lovely looking couple with pictures all over facebook but that might really be where it ends. It might all just be an appearance, so check out their eyes. That woman who called in sick to work yesterday and came today with heavy Make-up and long sleeves , might be trying to hide the cuts and bruises of the physical beating her husband gave to her but you can't detect her pain until you search her eyes. She just might be the victim of the most pleasant of men at work who turns into a beast once he gets into the confines of his home.

The point is sometimes, you might see someone have the "great life" but it could just be an art. You need to be able to see behind the facade. What does that smile really mean? What is really behind that blank look on that pretty face? What's with that mean boss's disposition? How about that rude attendant at the gate of the supermarket? The policeman? Your employee? Your colleague? Your spouse? Next time you talk with anyone, look behind the facade. The eyes will tell you the real story because once you identify the problem, you just might be the one to make the world a better place for someone else .

Finally remember, The Lord sees what happens everywhere; he is watching us, whether we do good or evil. (Proverbs 15:3 GNT)

Cheers!

A Mothers Life

This morning whilst preparing to do school runs, my 5 and 9 year old girls asked me to attend an hour to celebrate Mother's Day in their school. (In Nigeria, Mother's Day this year is actually on Sunday, 10th March). They were very disappointed when i told them it won't be possible because "mummy is going far". We cleaned up some tears and i promised to pick them up myself and cherish the keepsakes they would have presented to me in school. Hours later, even in the several meetings i attended, all i could think about was my late mother.

 I am who I am today by the grace of God and the prayers of my mother. She prepared me physically and Spiritually for where I find myself today and the journey I had no knowledge about. Multi-tasking, generous, goal getter, ambitious, intelligent, dedicated, wise, strong, funny, very funny are just some of the words i can use to describe Olajumoke Marcus (nee Carew). Little wonder in my tribute to her 5 years ago, i said it will be very difficult to fill her big shoes. How fortunate i was to have that woman stand in the gap and pray for me. We will never forget!

I have also discovered that a mothers role can be likened to giving love and the recipient might not always reciprocate. It is similar to the popular saying suffering and smiling. Even when a mother is hurt, she will still embrace. She hardly remembers to pray for herself as its always in the order of husband, children and then any other person she is concerned about or that has prayer point. In other words, her soft shoulders are strong enough to carry the weight of her family. She will pick herself up and dust the hurts and rejections, she will cry when you cry, she will laugh when you are happy. Even when she is dead tired, she will still entertain, wash, cook and clean. She will still do homework after school and she hardly gets a thank you from anyone for a job well done.

My point is if you are fortunate enough to still have your mother, give her a call and just say how are you doing mama? If there is a mother figure in your life, do the same.

Many around the world celebrate Mother's Day with breakfast in bed, flowers, gifts, trips to the spa and so on. Sounds good but that comes around for just few hours in 365days. Wouldn't it be nice to make everyday Mother's Day by your thoughtfulness towards that special woman who has sacrificed her life so you can have a better one? My advice is to make hay while the sun shines and fulfil the scripture that says "Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. (Ephesians 6:2, 3 KJV).

By the way, I picked the girls up myself and had to buy ice cream to make up for not attending the celebrations and because my little daughter lost the card she was to give me! My way of celebrating my day!

Cheers,

Funmi Olutile

Where did the innocence go

We were told that In the olden days you could go and buy stuff without the seller being around. You can just put your money there in place of say yam and then the owner picks it up later. No one would have touched it. Children were taught to help the old woman carry heavy luggages and to stand up for the elderly to sit in the public bus. Well, yours truly didn't meet that era.

Now in some communities, old people are suspected to be witches and wizards! Some of them are beaten to death while some are locked up in a room with raw pepper to choke them to death. There is now the fear that if you help or talk to a stranger, you are in danger of your money or body parts disappearing or worse still being kidnapped for ritual. 

A family trip to Ghana for two weeks mid year 2012 gave me a little taste of what i had only heard about. My observation was that the people were not overly friendly but they were generally polite and helpful if you requested it. What struck me the most was their ability to trust total strangers. it was not something we were used to. On one occasion, we bought some stuff in a small shop and there was no change. The lady asked if we were passing through the same route again and if so we could come back to pay! On another occasion, we picked a cab from the popular makola market in Accra and on the way we had several unscheduled stops to the bank, the supermarkets, a quick lunch etc. We just assumed that the driver would ask for extra money. When he took us back to the hotel, we waited for it but it never came. We then asked again how much his money would be and he mentioned the same amount as he had charged us from the beginning. It was such a different world from what we were used to. Little wonder even in their remote villages, you had foreigners walking around freely at all hours of the day.

Now i ponder, what really happened to change our own society? What has caused the moral decadence ? Many have blamed it on poverty, greed, our leaders, new generation, even on the movie industry and so on. I really cannot answer the question. However, what i do know is that there is no respect for human life. Everyone is a suspect, everyone is a victim. Innocent, harmless citizens are maimed for not having enough money at home for the night invaders. The bus conductor is out to cheat the passenger, the passenger is out to cheat the conductor. You can't travel some places at night for fear of robbery and rape. The society at large is gradually falling apart!

The solution lies in your hands.

If you dare to be different, it's a matter of time before you influence those around you. By passing on your values, the cycle goes on. Let your thoughts be different, let your approach be different. Don't be typical anything! Dare to be different!

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil. It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones. (Proverbs 3:5-8 KJV)

Cheers

Funmi Olutile

I Do

   In recent times, I have attended a lot of inter tribal marriages and I have seen a lot of them stand the test of time. I have also observed that some families are still sceptical when it comes to marriage between two people from different cultures. Between my husbands parents and my parents, there are eight (8) chilldren and only two (2) are married to spouses from their own tribe. The other six(6) went as far as Delta, Anambra and even Edo State claimed three of our siblings.  Thus, the grandchildren have all kinds of names. It can also be very interesting learning other languages and culture and some of these marriages are also the most beautiful you can imagine. Before nko?

         Anyway, seriously, I think that tribe does not matter and yet i also believe that it matters. There is a way we generalise people from certain tribes. For example, some have come to the conclusion that all Yoruba people like party, all igbo men like money,Edo women are fornicators, their men are         419, Urhobo's are wayo and so on. We categorise people as good or bad based on an experience we have had with someone from that area or on the experience of others.   However, in my opinion, the success of a marriage is not based on where the individuals hail from but rather the family background and the maturity of at least one of the individuals concerned. I have always admired the trans cultural marriage of the 3rd common wealth secretary general, Dr Emeka Anyaoku. He is a nigerian of Igbo descent. The Ichie Anyaoku from Anambra has been married to Princess Bunmi Anyaoku an Omoba of Abeokuta from Ogun State since 1962.  Of course there were strong oppositions to the marriage from both sides but years later, at the funeral of Princess Anyaokus mother, (one of those who didnt want the trans cultural marriage) ,she stated in her address that she ended up being her mother’s daughter in-law and her husband was the mother’s son.There's is a classic example of inter tribal marriage that stood the test of time. i.e.51 years and still counting.

        Marriage between people from similar cultures has its own intricacies. I therefore do not blame the people who raise objections to trans cultural marriage because if not properly handled, it can be a disaster. Perhaps before marriage, families should endeavour to teach the daughters contentment and the sons humility, this training will help them enjoy and not endure their marriage regardless if from different cultures or not. It should also be known that marriage can make or mar destiny and should not be approached casually. Deeper counselling should therefore be offered by the Church to couples and their families before nuptials are tied. We need to dig dip into everything and anything that can be a future problem. I'm only saying that the Church has a major role to speak plainly and not in parables when it comes to matters of the heart. The rate of Christian divorce has become alarming and some of the blame unfortunately can be laid at the feet of the Church. I am therefore of the opinion that one should thoroughly investigate and understand a family's tradition before contracting marriage.

         Finally, there is no perfect marriage but a tip that will keep any marriage going is to find your own balance and be friends with your spouse. A big congratulations to my sister in law who got married last saturday and yes, it was another trans cultural marriage!

Cheers
Funmi Olutile

What's in a name

At the beginning of life, an identity is given to a new born infant and its called a name.

To further give the child a more defined identity, the name of the family is included. At some point in time, that name either makes you proud or makes you ashamed. Furthermore, some people get carried away by worldly pleasures and their beclouded actions lead others with the same name to bury their heads in shame. Yet, some people fulfil the scripture that says a good man leaves inheritance for his children's children. How? By leaving a good name.

A friend once told me that when he was growing up in a remote village in Ondo State as a young child, it got to the point his mother could no longer afford to pay his school fees after his father died. She managed to pay until he completed his junior secondary school and he dropped out of school to become a cab driver.  Suddenly, out of the blues, came this teacher who insisted on paying the fees of this child until he completed his secondary education. He later moved out of Ondo State, went to the university and thus fulfilled his dreams of becoming a medical Doctor. And then one day, he heard that his beloved teacher died. The Doctor who was by then married, told his wife "Darling, you now have some children you did not labour for". He immediately went searching until he located all of the late teachers children and ensured they all got educated to the highest possible. Indeed, the good teachers name made a way for his children.

What's your name? What does it mean? Is it meaningful or meaningless? Are you going to allow the next generation after you to lift their heads up or are you going to cause them to bury their heads in shame? I have purposed that my name is going to open doors to my thousandth generation!

Cheers!
Funmi Olutile