I Do

   In recent times, I have attended a lot of inter tribal marriages and I have seen a lot of them stand the test of time. I have also observed that some families are still sceptical when it comes to marriage between two people from different cultures. Between my husbands parents and my parents, there are eight (8) chilldren and only two (2) are married to spouses from their own tribe. The other six(6) went as far as Delta, Anambra and even Edo State claimed three of our siblings.  Thus, the grandchildren have all kinds of names. It can also be very interesting learning other languages and culture and some of these marriages are also the most beautiful you can imagine. Before nko?

         Anyway, seriously, I think that tribe does not matter and yet i also believe that it matters. There is a way we generalise people from certain tribes. For example, some have come to the conclusion that all Yoruba people like party, all igbo men like money,Edo women are fornicators, their men are         419, Urhobo's are wayo and so on. We categorise people as good or bad based on an experience we have had with someone from that area or on the experience of others.   However, in my opinion, the success of a marriage is not based on where the individuals hail from but rather the family background and the maturity of at least one of the individuals concerned. I have always admired the trans cultural marriage of the 3rd common wealth secretary general, Dr Emeka Anyaoku. He is a nigerian of Igbo descent. The Ichie Anyaoku from Anambra has been married to Princess Bunmi Anyaoku an Omoba of Abeokuta from Ogun State since 1962.  Of course there were strong oppositions to the marriage from both sides but years later, at the funeral of Princess Anyaokus mother, (one of those who didnt want the trans cultural marriage) ,she stated in her address that she ended up being her mother’s daughter in-law and her husband was the mother’s son.There's is a classic example of inter tribal marriage that stood the test of time. i.e.51 years and still counting.

        Marriage between people from similar cultures has its own intricacies. I therefore do not blame the people who raise objections to trans cultural marriage because if not properly handled, it can be a disaster. Perhaps before marriage, families should endeavour to teach the daughters contentment and the sons humility, this training will help them enjoy and not endure their marriage regardless if from different cultures or not. It should also be known that marriage can make or mar destiny and should not be approached casually. Deeper counselling should therefore be offered by the Church to couples and their families before nuptials are tied. We need to dig dip into everything and anything that can be a future problem. I'm only saying that the Church has a major role to speak plainly and not in parables when it comes to matters of the heart. The rate of Christian divorce has become alarming and some of the blame unfortunately can be laid at the feet of the Church. I am therefore of the opinion that one should thoroughly investigate and understand a family's tradition before contracting marriage.

         Finally, there is no perfect marriage but a tip that will keep any marriage going is to find your own balance and be friends with your spouse. A big congratulations to my sister in law who got married last saturday and yes, it was another trans cultural marriage!

Cheers
Funmi Olutile

What's in a name

At the beginning of life, an identity is given to a new born infant and its called a name.

To further give the child a more defined identity, the name of the family is included. At some point in time, that name either makes you proud or makes you ashamed. Furthermore, some people get carried away by worldly pleasures and their beclouded actions lead others with the same name to bury their heads in shame. Yet, some people fulfil the scripture that says a good man leaves inheritance for his children's children. How? By leaving a good name.

A friend once told me that when he was growing up in a remote village in Ondo State as a young child, it got to the point his mother could no longer afford to pay his school fees after his father died. She managed to pay until he completed his junior secondary school and he dropped out of school to become a cab driver.  Suddenly, out of the blues, came this teacher who insisted on paying the fees of this child until he completed his secondary education. He later moved out of Ondo State, went to the university and thus fulfilled his dreams of becoming a medical Doctor. And then one day, he heard that his beloved teacher died. The Doctor who was by then married, told his wife "Darling, you now have some children you did not labour for". He immediately went searching until he located all of the late teachers children and ensured they all got educated to the highest possible. Indeed, the good teachers name made a way for his children.

What's your name? What does it mean? Is it meaningful or meaningless? Are you going to allow the next generation after you to lift their heads up or are you going to cause them to bury their heads in shame? I have purposed that my name is going to open doors to my thousandth generation!

Cheers!
Funmi Olutile