Boy meets girl, girl meets boy, boy and girl "fall" in love. They get married in this beautiful ceremony and become husband and wife. Fast forward a year later. Man begins to hit wife for whatever reason. Wife endures because after all her mother stayed with her father despite all odds. It soon becomes a pattern. Fast forward several years later, husband shoots his wife. She dies! What happened to the love poems, the love text messages, the love letters and all the other love things?
I recently attended the burial of Isioma Awele Ebegbodi. As her body was being lowered, friends from her alma mater queens college sang the school song but all I could take away with me was the grief on her mothers face. Isioma was killed with a gun by her husbands hands. With her died all the hopes she had for her children and all the potentials of the great woman she was to be. She would no doubt have affected her generation positively and maybe become a household name in the profession of medicine. She was the oldest of two siblings and a mother of 3.
I wonder at what point a woman has the right to say 'i want to be alive so I opt out of this marriage'. At what point will the Church not frown at a woman who leaves her husband for her own safety sake. At what point will society stop frowning at single mothers and accept that they are not promiscuous. At what point does a mother and father accept their daughter back and say 'welcome home'. It is probably not a regular portion of anyone's prayer but at what point do we accept that enough is enough?
In my opinion, every marriage has the limits to which it must be endured. Most marriages end up being fine but there is this little percentage that it's better to get out before your light is put out. Of course no one is the better judge of a marriage than the husband and wife. They alone know the limits that can be endured and they alone know when the threshold is reached. Family might read whatever meaning into it but it all boils down to the man and wife. I am in no way an advocate for divorce (dissolution of marriage) but if that is what will keep our mothers, wives, sisters and daughters alive, then I say go for it. At least let there be a separation and prayers can be made from outside. We should not advocate for these women to stay in there and keep praying.
I watched Akolade Arowolo after the judgement that he be hanged, and I couldn't just bear the fact that he broke down in tears with a Bible in his hands and asking God why? This is after killing his wife by stabbing her to death. By the way, they had a child together. Mother in the grave, Father in prison. Except for Gods intervention, what kind of life is left for these children?
I heard a true life story of a man who would threaten his wife during arguments with a knife. What do you think would happen some day? How about the man who would keep following his wife around the house as if in a trance just after she caught him in adultery? Jazz? Oh, how about the one who lays hands on acid and bathes his wife in it? Examples abound in every culture and in every society.
I'd like to advice my fellow women:
i. To single ladies- Look before you leap. No point rushing in and rushing out.
ii. To single mothers- Look before you leap again. Affliction shall not arise a second time.
iii. To the young married woman- If your life is in danger, speak out, don't endure
iv. To the older married woman- If your life is in danger, don't stay for the children's sake
v. To all women- Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. (Proverbs 31:30 KJV). You are somebody and your life is worth it.
vi. To Isiomas family- Although it's difficult today to see beyond the sorrow, may looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow.
R.I.P. Dr. Isioma Awele Ebegbodi (nee Unokanjo).
